On Friday afternoon, I visited an area department store to check out some jeans. As I sifted through stacks of overpriced Italian denim, an associate approached me. She asked for that dreaded bit of information: My Size. I told her. “Really?” she asked. “You don’t look that big.”
You don’t look that big.
I don’t know about you, but when I ponder the purchase of $150 jeans, I kind of want to feel good about it. Perhaps this was a misguided attempt at a compliment. “You don’t look that small” would have hurt harder. And I’ll admit that I’m more sensitive to these things than most people. I’m not big, I’m not small. I’m Alex. And I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I’ve worked damn hard for a damn long time to feel good about my body, and I’m winning. Moments like this remind me of that. So I tried on the jeans and left empty handed. And in case Ms. Talk Too Fast was wondering, they looked really good.
Opinions are like egos and fragile quirks. We all have them. Retail professionals can’t always stifle their judgy outbursts. I should have pointed out to Ms. Blurty Face the ridiculousness of her comment, or at least shared that like a million bucks she did not make me feel. I’m learning. I worked for a women’s clothing store when I was much younger and made sure that every woman I assisted felt good about herself and her shopping experience. It’s shopping, after all. It can be fun. The more we enjoy ourselves, the more money we spend. I’m no statistician but am pretty sure that helps the economy.
Many years ago, a friend recommended that when I run into people I haven’t seen in a while, I should remark how happy I am to see them, not how great they look. In her mind, telling people that they look beautiful (or handsome) makes them subconsciously feel that we’re judging their appearance. I love this concept and try to subscribe to it, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. Again, I’m learning.
I take steps to shrink the power of weight obsession. I don’t talk about my clothing size. I threw out my scale seven years ago. I don’t buy beauty magazines, read celebrity gossip websites, or follow fashion blogs. I don’t broadcast when I’ve exercised. I delete all diet-related advertisements from my Facebook page and flag them as offensive. When I get weighed at the doctor’s office, I turn around and ask to not be told the number. Whatever that amount happens to be is whatever that amount happens to be. All that matters is how I feel. I’m worth more than some number, and so are you. So is that department store lady. Simply being mindful of each other carries the most weight.
On Monday at the doctor's office I discovered that I weigh more now than I have in my whole life. It's not like I weigh that much, but it's still MORE. I should have read your post before I went and then asked them not to tell me.
Posted by: TFL | February 21, 2011 at 06:16 PM
Your insights, conclusions and fervor for life are infectious. Whether observing and dissecting our locality or destinations abroad, I look forward to every update. Your writing has become both informative, introspective and inspirational. I wish you continued success. You are a true ambassador for this city and all it's creative elements. Columbus needs you and others just as brilliant and vibrant. Shine on!
Posted by: Tommy | February 22, 2011 at 01:43 AM
As a personal trainer who has suffered (and "recovered" -whatever the hell that looks like!) ;) from ED for over 22 years, your blog was insightful, honest and motivating. I own and operate 2 studios that focus on women's health, wellness and body image. Often I feel like I'm a little fish swimming against a very large stream! In my gym, I do not weigh, measure or "pinch" my girls. As you mentioned, their self worth should not be derived from those numbers. Instead we measure numbers that really matter: how many push ups, pull ups or jump ropes they can do. As we are in NEDAW (Nat'l ED Awareness Week) I think it's so important for each of us to remember what beautiful looks AND feels like. And it's different for each of us! I invite you to check out my "blog/website" this month to see what I think it means to be beautiful. www.power4me.com Thank you for sharing such an invaluable lesson that ALL women and girls need to hear over and over and over again! It gives me hope to know there's another voice out there reminding women they are worth more than just a number on the scale, an image in the mirror or an age. Have a blessed day!
Posted by: Janine | February 22, 2011 at 01:05 PM